Episode 232: A Key Piece Missing from the Self-Development World
If you’ve mastered your morning routine and crushed your gym goals, but still feel stuck when it comes to showing up in your relationships or handling hard emotions, you’re not alone. Discipline without emotional intelligence turns into control, not connection—and this is the key piece that so many self-development approaches miss. You can do everything “right” on paper and still find yourself disconnected, reactive, or avoiding emotional discomfort.
In this episode, I’m diving into why empathy might be the most undertrained skill in personal development, especially for men. We’ll explore how cultural messages around masculinity have often discouraged emotional presence, and why this leads to loneliness, defensiveness, and even more unwanted behaviors like pornography use. But developing empathy isn’t about being weak—it’s about creating real strength, rooted in emotional safety for yourself and others.
You’ll hear how empathy is a trainable skill, just like lifting or fasting, and how it changes everything from your relationships to your recovery. I’m sharing ways to start strengthening this skill now, including how to practice empathy inwardly and outwardly, and why fiction might be the most surprising tool in your growth journey. If you’ve been missing this piece, this episode will help you reconnect—with yourself, your values, and the people you love.
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What You'll Learn from this Episode:
How cultural conditioning around masculinity blocks emotional intelligence and creates shame patterns.
The difference between performing well and being emotionally present with others.
Why empathy is a trainable skill and not a fixed personality trait.
How reading fiction develops empathy more effectively than self-help books.
The connection between emotional avoidance and unwanted pornography use.
What true masculine safety looks and feels like versus wounded masculine control
Listen to the Full Episode:
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A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins
The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead
Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi
Full Episode Transcript:
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